A Sort-Of Interview With Karl Lagerfeld

If you aren't familar with Karl Lagerfeld's Guide to Life, make yourself familiar. It's a masterpiece of a blog written by someone channeling Karl Lagerfeld that is generally a horribly offensive view of the normal world. There are very few people that Karl does not find utterly demode, but in my interview with him he revealed these people along with much, much more.

Joey:Hello Karl! It's great to talk to you. How are the Spring collections going?

Karl:Hello. They're going great. I'm ready for next season!

J:On a stranded island which is more important to bring?Chanel weights or the Chanel safety pin?

K:Oh, the safety pin to keep safe.

J:You talk a lot about people who are demode. Who is not demode to you?

K:Anna, Me, Yves, you know....the beautiful ones.

J:Now that you don't want to speak to Lindsay anymore, Who is your next starlet of choice?

K:Mm. They're all so demode now. So boring, so controlled.

J:You said in an interview that you hate all children, did you hate yourself when you were a child?

K:I was never a child. Ever. I came out of my mothers womb in a suit and sunglasses.

J:I know you like Diet Coke, have you ever tried Coke Zero?

K:Are you a spy from someplace to place insidious thoughts in my mind about trying that so-called drink??

...There's your answer. Karl knows best. Remember this.

J:If Claudia Schiffer didn't exist, who would be in your ad campaigns?

K:But, Claudia must exist. It's impossible for her not to, hmmmm?

There is always a Claudia around. So I guess the campaigns would have no one in them.

J:What is your favorite documentary about yourself?

K:I hate them all, equally. Documentaries aren't for watching anyway, hmm?

J:Which line of yours do you prefer? Chanel, Karl Lagerfeld, or Fendi?

K:Which me are we talking about, hmmm? Fashion today is for mixing. There is no labels- labels are for fat people, for whores, for rich peasants, you know? No lines. Today we mix a Mozart with a Beethoven, and so on. I don't have a favourite- they are for mixing. Mixing mixing mixing.

J:I hear you're in Mary Kate and Ashley's new coffee table book. How did that interview go?

K:It went well, I feel. Mary Kate is like a little china banana, you know?

J:Will you ever give up any of your lines to another designer?

K:What?

Thank you Karl!